Force it, but take your time

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I haven’t been posting. In fact, I’ve been avoiding the I-don’t-know-what-to-say ailment by working on my piano playing skills. This week, I’m learning a Mozart minuet and practicing two-handed major scales. I’ve been avoiding this blog.

This morning, as I was wrapping up a quick 30-minute practice sesh in between slurps of coffee, I turned around and saw a short stack of empty journals and 3 unread books. I had to fight the urge to pick up one and start it on my commute today. I’m supposed to be finishing Everything is Illuminated. It’s obviously not hooking me in if I’m ready to jump ship and start a different book.

All of the sudden, I was overwhelmed with the desire to do the things I love: read the books I want, write, work on playing piano again, and keep toiling with powertools in my garage so that deconstructed pallet becomes a beautiful work of art. I felt overwhelming drive and inspiration to DO. These are the things I want right now. I’ve also started running again, for my sanity and for my health. How can I find my balance? Right now, I’m not fitting all the pieces together very well. I’m “wanting” too many things.

I’m also feeling a little discontent about other things in my life, which is making me strive for satisfaction through creative outlets. But I need to be intentional about it. I can’t just start grasping and reaching for so many things that I create a feeling of being overwhelmed and general failure. Pick my goals.

My goals are: use this blog to keep be balanced and intentional, which means writing about it. Use this space to quell my desire to write. Keep up with piano, use weekends to use powertools, and run. Maybe I’ll do a day-in-the-life, how my brain optimizes (or doesn’t) my free time and what sort of things I learn about myself as I document. That’s an idea for you.

 

“Action expresses priorities.”

“Action expresses priorities” – Mahatma Ghandi

This has been a personal subliminal mantra of mine for as long as I can remember. When people told me their ideas or aspirations – I pushed them to do it. If they didn’t do it, they didn’t want it badly enough. The same with myself: if I wanted a new job, I got one. If I wanted to run a marathon, I trained for it and did it. If I wanted a house, I saved and bought one. You can do anything you set your mind to. The key is not to have it “easy” or be be lucky or privileged – it’s about setting realistic goals and being creative in solving the inevitable obstacles you’re presented with. I promise, there are lots of obstacles. (Let’s be real: brunch with bottomless mimosas will always sound more appealing than your Saturday morning long run – but your action (brunch vs. run) expresses which is a priority in your life).

It wasn’t until recently that I came across this quaint little quote that I realized it perfectly described my philosophy for life. Thank you Ghandi, for this and your articulate wisdom. But something this quote is also helping me with the realization that I’m being a hypocrite. Back up, let’s save the melodrama.

I’ve been reading blogs for 5 years. I’ve started many blogs. I’m having trouble finding my rhythm because I keep asking myself “what is me?” “what do I have that I can share with the world on an ongoing basis that will continue to fulfil me for the unforeseeable future?” These are hard questions – and I always came up blank. First, it was an adventure blog of my life moving to a new city. Then, a healthy living blog. Then, a positive attitude blog. Now? A minimalist lifestyle blog? Tomorrow – who knows. The undeniable truth here is that I want to blog, but I’m feeling unconfident, hesitant, and indecisive in my decision to start. Action Expresses Priorities. Blogging hasn’t been a priority in my life (or I’m mistakenly procrastinating by adding more things to my plate that don’t add value to my life – more on that at another time).

I’ve bought the domain. I’ve chosen a a title. I have a theme, and post ideas. I have the intention. Now all I have to do is show up. Keep showing up.